There's not an awful lot of variety when it comes to the modern rom-com, admittedly there are a few infrequent offerings that buck the trend - but suffice to say, Did You Hear About the Morgans?, is not one of them. Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant are the titular Morgans and are tasked with wringing as many laughs out of the flimsy plot as possible. Grant has no trouble whatsoever, his trademark bumbling performance is as fresh as it ever was, yet SJP's complete lack of comic timing opposite him ensures any laughs are as staggered as one of Grant's monologues.
The set-up sees the recently separated Paul and Meryl Morgan witness a murder, and when they're recognised by the killer they must enter witness relocation. So, like last year's 'The Proposal' the couple are whisked away to a remote locale where they'll come to love each other and have some rather amusing frolics along the way. There's only so far Grant's endearing pomposity can take you so luckily there's Sam Elliot on hand to keep things ticking over until everything resolves itself neatly in the final ten minutes. In truth there's not a lot to dislike on show but there's not an awful lot to get excited about either. It's inoffensive, has the requisite amount of chuckles and will keep Hugh Grant fed and watered until he needs to work again in two years time (if only Parker took a leaf out of his book).
Verdict - Exactly what the trailer suggests, middle-of-the-road romantic comedy.
Based on Fellini's renowned masterpiece 8 1/2 and starring a grand total of six Academy Award winners, one Academy Award nominee - and Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas - is Rob Marshall's Nine, a musical with surely the perfect recipe for success. Well, not quite as it turns out. Despite the big names of Daniel Day-Lewis, Penelope Cruz and Marion Cotillard turning in fine performances, it just goes to show that great actors don't necessarily guarantee great movies.
Nine suffers throughout from a desperate lack of memorable tunes, only Fergie's belting rendition of 'Be Italian' really gets the toes tapping. Her thundering vocals, in fact, also serve to highlight that whilst the rest of the cast can all carry a tune, they're hardly natural fits for show tunes. And Marshall shows a severe lack of imagination integrating these numbers into the narrative - each occurs on an empty sound stage inside director Guido Contini's (Day-Lewis) mind, which is an oddly distancing device. It's sadly ironic that for a film whose narrative and inspiration is so deeply embedded in the machinations of cinema, this production clearly belongs (and should have stayed) on the stage.
Verdict - Lots of stars on the screen, not so many at the bottom of the review.
So as mentioned in an earlier post, I've managed to power my way through 174 cinematic releases in 2009. As we embark on a new year I'd say it's the perfect time to look back on the ones that went before, identifying my favourites and the ones which made my toes curl. In the interest of fairness I've eliminated any re-releases and the films I caught at the London Film Festival that have yet to be released in the UK.
The 10 worst films of 2009 are as follows:-
10) Doghouse - Clearly intended to be ironic with it's sexism, this Brit zom-com treads well the wrong side of the line. Dyer, Graham and Clarke are all fine but the base humour leaves you with a sense of bemusement.
9)Seven Pounds - The normally reliable Will Smith pleads for an Oscar and falls well short. It all hangs on a twist that's not only obvious after ten minutes, but all even the details around the twist are obvious after twenty.
8) Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - A take on the Dickens classic released in the middle of May, Matthew Mahogany continues to try and convince us he can't act (I still have hope).
7) My Sister's Keeper - Are you crying? How about now? You must be crying at this bit? Cry now...go on, cry! Oh god, you have to be crying now? You're not crying? You have no soul! (No, I have taste).
6) Harry Brown - It's great to see Michael Caine, but regardless of the filmmaker's alleged intentions this indicts all British youths and a final act that goes all Rambo plays like a vigilante call to arms.
5) Lesbian Vampire Killers - Gavin and Stacey's Horne and Corden added their name to the list of British double acts to flop on the big screen. Far worse than Magicians or Alien Autopsy, this overly-stylised 'lads in the country' romp even eclipses the similar Doghouse.
4)Dragonball Evolution - Just mind-numbingly dour from start to finish. This Hollywood adaptation of a manga favourite fails to put tab A into slot B with any semblance of success.
3) Miss March - The American teen sex-comedy reaches it's lowest ebb - primarily by getting Hugh Heffner involved. One character goes by the name of 'Horsedick.MPEG', need I say any more.
2) Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - And you thought it couldn't get any worse. Despite having one good action scene (the forest fight), the rest of the plot makes no sense whatsoever. Combine that with actors who seem more synthetic than their robotic counterparts and you've got yourself a solid gold turkey.
1) Dance Flick - Spoofs just don't get any better and this time it's the Wayans brothers sending up films that are in fact far superior to their own. Never mind that the dance movie trend has been and gone, their major target for lampooning, Save the Last Dance, was released a mammoth eight years prior. There are simply no redeeming features of which to speak and that's why it sits at the top of the list.
You may be forgiven for thinking that Ashton Kutcher may not be stretching himself too far in playing a vacuous, narcissistic playboy fond of shacking up with opulent older women (sorry Demi), and unsurprisingly Kutcher slips into the role of Nikki with an ease that would have been greatly appreciated in some of his previous performances. Nikki is homeless and car-less, but blessed with those chiseled features, perfect pecs and the gift of the gab that makes him irresistible to the ladies (young and old) who allow him to become every bit the American gigolo.
David Mackenzie's follow up to 2007's excellent Hallam Foe has all the raw eroticism of his previous features but sadly lacks any hint of charm comparable to its predecessor. It's only a matter of time before the inevitable happens and Nikki is punished for his immoral actions, before seeing the error of his ways and seeking some form of redemption.
The early satire of the darker side of the L.A. high-life (complete with a vaginal rejuvenation) allows for an interesting - if frustratingly brief - insight into the shallow, mutual exploitation said to exist in the land of the rich and famous. In fairness to Kutcher he puts in a competent performance, as does Anne Heche as Nikki's older lover who undergoes the aforementioned operation in pursuit of prolonging her cougar-ish desirability. Ultimately, however, the more interesting edges are smoothed away when Nikki dubiously meets his female equivalent and we're asked to root for a character who's spent the past hour repelling us.
Verdict - A film caught between genres and caught in two minds plot-wise. There's definitely something interesting in there somewhere - but it's struggling to peek out.